Robot Underwear

After a check-up with my doctor today, I had to get some blood drawn at a different facility because my insurance is stupid and they won’t let me get blood drawn at my doctor’s office.

It turns out the seperate facility was a single room manned (wo-manned? wo-mynned?) by a single woman – a stern middle aged Russian woman. She looked like a typical technician – there was nothing extrodanrily Russian about her except her very thick accent. Her dyed-at-home hair and aging manicure job were looking a little rough, like this Russian lady had seem some better days – days she didn’t spend collecting blood from strangers.

She did not look like this.

She was gentle with the needle, but tough looking, like she wanted to just jab you to death with that needle. Uninvited, she shared that often men who give blood faint and she finds this ‘disgusting’. Imagine in your best James Bond Russian lady villian voice, ‘I say to them, you are not man. Man does not faint for blood’.

I imagine that when I left she drank my blood, it spilling down her chin as she called the Kremlin to share US military secrets. Or she ordered lunch.

Ok, so I haven’t posted in a while, but I’d like to point out that in the interim between my last posts and this one, I’ve had a total of 14 visitors based on searches for things like “weed underwear” and “naked ladies driving”.

"Weed" (aka marijuana)

I actually did some research (i.e. googling) on weed underwear just because. It turns out that I am not in the top 10 or even 30 of weed underwear search results, but Robot Underwear is nevertheless in some pretty awesome company. For example, there’s the Bolivian blog called Veneno Lundico which features a song called “The Woman in Weed Underwear can Carry me to Heaven.” Or there’s the puzzling site called Share the Talking Stick which advises women to discontinue use of dryer sheets as underwear. (P.S. Robot Underwear also recommends that you discontinue use of dryer sheets as underwear.) One commenter, Jodie, adds, “I agree that dryer sheets are just plain nasty. I haven’t used them since I first moved out of the house!” Good for you Jodie!

Sneaker - possibly to be used to house penis as neccessary. (Penis not pictured)

Further research, however, indicates that the searchers were probably just looking for the lyrics to the popular artiste J-Kwon’s song entitled “Underwear”. The song is really a masterpiece:

Got pussy everywhere
Weed in the air
I’m in my underwear
My under the underwear
Liquor everywhere
Condoms over there
I’m in my underwear

I am unsure as to what “my under the underwear” means, but he’s got pussy everywhere and I simply haven’t any, so who am I to argue? The song also goes on to discuss the pleasures of golden showers (“In the gold shower I’m handin’ out gold showers.”) and how his J-Kwon’s penis requires a sneaker (“Right now my third leg need a sneaker on.”)

I sure hope he gets that sneaker!